Arthur Bing-Chumply’s Notebook.

IINDM crest small

Crumpetworthy Park

The cat is out of the bag!

How on earth did news of the Book of Toast‘s discovery get out? There was a group outside the gate the next morning. I thought they were eager to soak in the tubs or at least do some relaxing hammockery.

I said, “So, you’re not interested in the visitor tour?”

“No,” they all said in unison.

“You don’t want to know about the secrets of slowing down?”

“No!” they all said, louder this time.

“We want to know about the book,” said a woman in a flowery dress and boots who seemed to be the organizer. The other’s nodded. They were a public-speaking group calling themselves Toastmasters.

I took them across the bridge and gave them the customary nine-course lunch. 

Carl from the history department talked to them on the East Terrace.

He explained the book was ancient. It was so long ago the climate was different. Plagues of frogs were common. Bread would often fall from the sky. He read out this passage.

A terrible storm gathered up in the East. Wonder Bread fell from the skies in great slices.

And through that nighttime wonderous storm came Tim the Timid.

He was an honest and shy man, a man nobody ever took any notice of.

Slices slapped him around his person, but he did proceed upon his way until a bolt of lightning set fire to a nearby bush.

At that moment, a seared slice of bread struck him in the mouth. And he did eat of the burned bread.

In that instant, he was no longer Tim the Timid because he gained the VOICE OF POWER.

He arrived home, and the people did listen to Tim.

And Tim called the new bread TOAST. And it was the same Tim who later discovered jam.

And lo it came to pass that the people did call Tim the TOASTMASTER and listened to every word he had to say.

The visitors gaped in awe.

And then they called for toast and jam and cups of tea.

book of toast
The Ancient Book of Toast