School of Self-Absorption

Dear Sir:

I am afraid it never occurred to any of us to ask you why you were in the Mirror Room last Wednesday. Preliminary Pouting is a popular class and Ms. Foghorn does love to hear herself talk. I must apologize for not letting you get a word in edgewise. I’m sure you understand how preoccupied one can be when one is in love—particularly with oneself. But we are proud of our Ms. Foghorn. She was one of the first Neo-Narcissists to marry herself.

I understand now about the front office mix-up. Staff members expect others to be just as enthusiastic as they are. And yes, I suppose you were ‘set upon,’ if that is how you still want to view it. It was an act of love and initiation. I thought the black boots and jodhpurs looked scintillating on you.

We do now realize you meant to go across the street. Please find your clothes enclosed. May we have our uniform back? Please disregard the appointment we made for you at the cloning clinic.

Yours gushingly,

Gertrude Puffery
School of Self-Absorption
It’s all about me