Slow News: March 2021

March 2021

The Rompshire Gazette

Dampford Assizes:

Gertrude Simpkins-Willoughby was in court this morning on a charge of TALKING TOO FAST IN PUBLIC.

A visibly horrified Judge Wilcox said that in all his years on the bench he has never heard such an appalling case. He sentenced Ms. Simpkins-Willoughby to a three-week reeducation course at the Sisters of Slow Home for the Overenthusiastic.

Announcements:

The North Rompshire School of Manners announces the 10th anniversary of Ms. Thistlebottom’s Extra-Strict Punctuation Course. Author Barry Plumb is scheduled to give this year’s Sofa Etiquette talk on the 16th.

Rompshire

Sports:

All eyes are on Little Pillock. The four-time Ladies Egg-and-Spoon-Race champion, Marion Thumpington-Wallop, is showing good form. But Elsie Blanket, an outsider, might surprise on sports day.

The Warmsley Valley Police have not yet confirmed whether their standing-still team will be ready on the day.

Character in bathtub by C.P.Richards
Slow News

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