The Rompshire Gazette
Gertrude Simpkins-Willoughby was in court this morning on a charge of TALKING TOO FAST IN PUBLIC.
A visibly horrified Judge Wilcox said that in all his years on the bench he has never heard such an appalling case. He sentenced Ms. Simpkins-Willoughby to a three-week reeducation course at the Sisters of Slow Home for the Overenthusiastic.
The North Rompshire School of Manners announces the 10th anniversary of Ms. Thistlebottom’s Extra-Strict Punctuation Course. Author Barry Plumb is scheduled to give this year’s Sofa Etiquette talk on the 16th.
All eyes are on Little Pillock. The four-time Ladies Egg-and-Spoon-Race champion, Marion Thumpington-Wallop, is showing good form. But Elsie Blanket, an outsider, might surprise on sports day.
The Warmsley Valley Police have not yet confirmed whether their standing-still team will be ready on the day.