Dear Ms. Braithwaite:
I am writing this letter of my own free will. I was not influenced by my captors your representatives. I had no idea that the International Institute of Not Doing Much (IINDM) had a list of workaholics. I have learned a lot in the last three weeks. I have seen the light, and I am well on my way to recovery.
I wasn’t aware that anyone had entered my office on the night of the abduction invitation to visit the IINDM. As usual, I was working on the Johnson account long after everyone had gone home. The first thing I felt was two firm hands on my shoulders. I looked up to see a group from the Secret Society of Undercover Massage Therapists (SSUMT) with a portable table already unfolded in the corner.
At first, I resisted, but the Shiatsu technique rendered me helpless. And they didn’t stop there! Then there was deep tissue, Lomilomi, and Thai massage. Once I was noodled (their term, not mine), I was given acupressure in the back of the van until I arrived at the local branch of the IINDM. I don’t remember much more. I must have dozed off.
Your program of reeducation relaxation is wonderful. I could never have done it by myself. I admit that the art classes were difficult. And, as I later learned, only those people who have made significant progress can stomach appreciate the Watching Paint Dry classes.
As you can see, I have signed the papers, and now look forward to my release return as I am a slower and more pleasant human being.